The illuminating Chinese

In the immortal words of Monty Python, I like Chinese. In Singapore I spent a lot of time with Chinese people. When you first arrive, the initial impression is that they are rude, arrogant and all-round unpleasant. Once you've been there a little while, however, you realise why. It's because a large number of (Western) expats are rude, arrogant and all-round unpleasant. Not to mention overpaid and under talented. And the locals assume you're the same.

Make an effort, though, and stop acting like an expat, and you’re rewarded with the warmest, most hospitable, funny and enthusiastic friends you’ve ever made. With great names like Pui Leng, Eugene (really), Shii Hua, Muk, Lynnden and Kuan Eng.

I like Chinese food as well. A lot. I could quite happily eat Taiwanese fried or steamed dumplings dipped in dark Chinese vinegar every day. Some weeks I did.

And I love Chinese weddings. Five hundred people crammed into a hotel banquet hall, munching their way through twelve or more courses progressively laid out on permanently spinning Lazy Susans. Until the last course, when the venue empties out faster than if there had been a bomb scare, leaving behind bewildered expats wondering if they’d missed something. Chinese people don’t hang around after the last course has been served, you soon learn.

But I also like the fact that Chinese people are clever. Singapore is a predominantly Buddhist country, followed by Islam and Hindi. And yet, come Christmas, all the shopping malls along the two-odd kilometre stretch of Orchard Road are festooned with the most fabulous Christmas decorations you’ve ever seen. It just makes business sense.

In Sandton, the most expensive business real estate area in Africa, we have … a couple of lights strung around the trunks of six trees along the median of one of the roads.

Wow.

So in celebration of Christmas, I thought it appropriate that my festive decorations be led by a wizened, wise old Chinese candleholder. Apart from the fact it was given to me by a very special person from Cape Town, I think it just makes sense. And I like it.

Because who better to illuminate the world this Christmas than people with a 6 000 year history of illumination?